properly ordering delivery

To anyone who orders delivery, here are a few tips to expedite the process- from your friendly phone-answering type.

1. Know EXACTLY what you want, modifications and all, before you pick up the phone. Don't put me on hold to scream across the apartment at your wife. Write it down if you have to. I won't waste your time if you don't waste mine.
1a. Have a backup or two in mind in case the kitchen is out of something.

2. If you are paying by credit card and you do not have your number memorized, have the card out and ready BEFORE you pick up the phone.

3. Speak clearly into the phone. Do not sound annoyed if I verify some information, because the last thing I want is your whiny high-maintenance ass calling me back to scream at me because I couldn't understand what you were saying. I have a very loud air conditioning unit, six other phone lines ringing, the prep kitchen BLASTING music, and managers screaming at each other in a myriad of languages all going on behind me. Speak up.
3a. Put your children in another room before you order. I can't hear you mumble over their crying.
3b. Don't be offended when I put you on hold. I'm the only person answering phones down here, and everyone on the phone is as rude, whiny and high-maintenance as you are. Get over it.

4. I do not control the speed at which your food comes out. That is entirely up to the kitchen. Do not order something complicated, like lasagna or steak, and then call me back ten minutes later wondering where your food is. Don't lie to me about how long it's been, either. I can see on my screen exactly when your order went in. You don't know how busy the restaurant is or how backed up the kitchen might be. When I tell you it's going to take 30-45 minutes, don't give me a long whiny sigh and then ask me to "tell them to hurry up because I'm hungry." If you're that hungry, go to McDonald's.
4a. I also do not control the menu. Don't yell at me because of something we no longer have on the menu. I'm sorry that it was your favorite, but it is not my fault. Call corporate and bitch at them if you care so much.

5. Have a sense of humor. I'm a real person on the other end of this phone. I have a college degree and ambitions of my own. I don't do this job because I love it, I do this job because I need a job. They barely pay me enough to cover my electric bill, let alone deal with your crap. My hair is grey enough already at 24, please don't make it worse.

6. Last, and certainly the most important:
Tip your delivery guys. Tip them in cash, preferably. Tip them well. They're supporting families on what you give them, they're bringing people into this country who want desperately to be here. They're hardworking and wonderful. They are, in essence, your servers for this meal, only they're running many blocks through all kinds of HORRIFIC weather and freezing cold to bring you your dinner. If you make enough money to order $170 worth of food, then please tip your delivery guy more than that crumpled $3 you had at the bottom of your pocket. Treat them like the decent human beings they are. Some of the tipping I've seen is atrocious and nearly heartbreaking. I talk to these guys every day, I hear their stories. Every delivery guy has a story, a family, a reason to work hard. Give them the respect they deserve.

that said, you'll get your food in 30-45 minutes. thank you!


MP said...

I know you hate it when I do this, but I can't help myself...

"a myriad of languages" should read "myriad languages"


thedudewhisperer@yahoo.com said...

"a myriad" actually made it into The New Yorker last week and the DW shook his head with sorrow...

Anyways,yes! Having worked service jobs, the DW is an incurable overtipper. Yes!

And thanks for linking to the DW blog. I love your photos from burger to Maalox. The DW's favorite? Maybe the bartender. Or maybe your good friend who looks like Nina Nastasia.